MICRODOSING
5 Personal Truths I Learned as an Anxious Person Microdosing Psilocybin
Are You Anxiety-Prone? Have You Considered Microdosing? Read This Before You Do.
*disclaimer: this article is meant for entertainment purposes only and does not promote or encourage microdosing of any substance in any form.
The word microdosing has been popping up literally everywhere for the last couple of years. News reports, TikTok testimonials, TV shows and even reputable magazines and scientific journals have been reporting on the potential benefits of microdosing. But what does it mean? And what can it do?
More importantly, if you’re prone to stress and overthinking like I can be, is it a good idea to even think about trying it?
Let’s not bore each other with the details (If you are looking for details, I suggest going through the National Library of Medicine): Microdosing is basically just taking very small amounts of psychedelics so that you feel certain effects, but don’t trip out and hallucinate.
The focus of microdosing is placed on the potential mental benefits, such as:
- Improved Energy
- Improved Focus
- Social openness
- Improved Mood
- Increase in creativity
Sounds good, right? I’ll let you know once I take them if the 5 personal truths I learned aligned with the potential benefits listed above.
Substances that can be microdosed include THC, LSD, psilocybin, MDMA and even ketamine. Different substances mean different potential benefits. Of course, if there are potential benefits there are also potential risks, which can include increased anxiety, social interference, and physiological interference.
These drugs might sound controversial to the beginner but keep in mind that microdosing means taking one-tenth of a usual dose, if not smaller. In my non-expert opinion, these benefits and challenges rely almost entirely on the person microdosing, their general disposition, and most importantly, the headspace they’re in when they microdose. The people you choose to microdose with and the spirits you’re in when doing it are the two most important factors when entering that kind of journey.
If you’re feeling like crap, you’re alone and don’t want to be, and it’s a dark and rainy day outside, it might not be the best time to microdose anything. *And even then, I am not an expert nor do I endorse microdosing, taking drugs, or engaging in any illegal activity that might endanger you or others. Speak to a healthcare practitioner and don’t break the law. Y’all ain't taking me to court!*
Full disclosure, I already have *some* experience with psilocybin, so this wasn’t my first rodeo. However, I had only done “hero doses” which are basically taking enough to hallucinate. I’ve done it one time successfully back in college. I didn’t realize microdosing was an option back then. Did anyone? We’ve come a long way, people.
Here was my experience:
I woke up on a beautiful sunny Friday with literally perfect weather after several days of severe heat and humidity. I felt rested, was in good spirits, and had a day off. I remembered I had pills sitting in a little box in the living room. These pills were recommended to me by a friend, for those wondering. I felt like it was going to be the day, but I immediately remembered I had an appointment so *poof*, my idea was already squashed before it materialized.
I went through my morning routine and made myself a coffee. While I browsed my e-mails, I got a message saying that my appointment was moved to Monday. Was this the Gods of enlightenment shining their light of peer pressure my way? Was this meant to be? Probably not, but I sure as hell took it as a sign to go with my dreamy plans for the day.
I opened my little box and read the label to refresh my memory. One pill contained 300mg of psilocybin in it. For those curious, the 300 mg are divided up equally with the following mushrooms: Chaga, Reishi, Cordyceps, Coriolus, Lions Mane, and Maitake.
The only thing left to decide was how many to take.
A standard dose of psilocybin for a (hallucinogenic) trip needs at least 1–3 grams (1000–3000mg). The last time I tried these pills I took one 300mg pill and felt it very, very lightly. Like, barely. For this time, I was looking for a more intense experience that still left me in control of my functions and not totally glued to the floor for hours. This was the perfect time for the next step: setting my intentions.
Setting my intentions
This is an absolute must on the list of things you should do on your special day. It’s so important to put into words what it is you’re hoping to achieve or feel or experience in your journey and make it abundantly clear to the world. When you figure that out, take the pill(s) in your hand and set your intention out loud. Speak them into existence. If nothing, it will help you be even clearer about what your expectations are. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies? They absolutely apply here, in my opinion.
For me, I intended to simply observe my past self and potential future, without interfering. Strip all the fancy language and basically, I wanted my anxious mind to live in the moment.
I decided to take two 300mg pills and take a walk to the canal not too far away from my house. By the time I gathered my stuff, packed a bottle of water and a snack, and put my shoes on, I was already beginning to feel slight effects. This was about 45 minutes after ingestion. When I stepped outside with the smooth vocals of Ari Lennox in my ear, the sun enveloped me in a warm hug and I knew it was going to be a good day.
As soon as I stepped out, I received a work e-mail. Uh-oh. *immediate sinking of the heart* I read it and had to reply but first I had to gather my sh*t to answer it succinctly and continue my journey. I took a deep breath and remembered it was my day off so there was literally no reason to feel guilty for anything. It’s like because I had already told myself today was going to be a good day, my mind immediately accepted it as fact and I easily went about my plans without overthinking them. I wrote a reply to the e-mail but didn’t send it. I wanted to proofread it first because I am still a professional and this is a client I respect. I stopped at the park right next to my house and sunk into the bench like it was a chaise lounge on a beach in Mexico. I ended up laying on it for a good 20 minutes. I was definitely feeling it by that point. I lifted my phone and checked the e-mail again. I made sure my reply made sense and was error-free before sending it. Once I did, I truly felt the rush of the psilocybin take me. I felt energized by the idea of being lucky enough to work on one day and have a day off to myself the next and decided to continue to the canal.
I walked, observed, said hi to strangers, laid down by the water (i.e put a blanket down on the grass and frickin’ melted into the earth, it was beautiful), listened to the ripples, waved to people boating, spoke to my mother on the phone and spent 5 minutes telling her how beautiful her voice was before she tried to get me off the phone, took pictures, wrote poetry, recorded myself talking, and walked some more. By the time I got home, I was ready for some hydration and cuddles with my cat. By the end of the day, I had rediscovered many things about the world surrounding me and how I perceived it. The ones below are simply the ones that jumped out the most.
5 personal truths I learned while microdosing psilocybin:
- The world doesn’t revolve around me (and this is excellent news)
While tripping, my focus was razor-sharp. But it wasn’t on me. I noticed things as small as the butterfly that took a break on the railing next to me at the park. I observed every single color on its wings and smiled as I imagined myself in its place, fluttering from flower to grass. Improved focus? You bet ya! Now, could I have completed a math test? Probably not, but that wasn’t my intention, was it?
2. Everyone craves companionship and real connection (even the grumpy old man sitting on a bench by himself)
I was saying hi to strangers like it was no one’s business. I tried a new tea place and I actually went back on my way home to tell them how good their product was and wished them good luck with their new business. I had the courage to ask a random man in the park what the game he was playing was, and we struck up a conversation I would have NEVER entertained if I wasn’t microdosing. Like, not even close. I also was much more aware of people who avoided looking at others when walking past them and generally had an anxious “aura”. Maybe it’s because I’m usually that person. When I felt that vibe, it made me even more appreciative of the fact that I was taking the time to step out of that for a moment. Social Openness? Check!
3. I have everything I could want and need inside of me (that Gucci bag is beautiful but it really won’t bring me the subconscious validation I seek through it)
Confession: I brought my journal and poetry book with me in case imagination struck but in my mind, it required way too much energy to pick up a pen and write. I did end up writing a funny ass journal entry while I was going through it and signed it like I was at my own book launch or something.
The idea of writing a poem felt like such a chore that I took out my phone and just recorded it as I made my way down the sidewalk. Come to think of it, I haven’t even watched it back yet! I know it was vaguely about togetherness and the power of every person, so I guess I definitely felt the “I am my own God” aspect of the experience. I’ve been writing a lot lately too, in all forms and with a more inward approach. My creativity was certainly intensified during my experience, and I’ve been writing since! This gave me renewed energy for both my creative ambitions and my life in general, so I’d say that’s a win for improved energy and improved mood.
4. Friendships are vital (even if my friends call me a “serial bailer”)
I was chatting with a few friends during my trip, but my girl T*** held me down in the DMs, y’all. I had told her about my intention to do it a few weeks prior, and she has a lot of experience with microdosing, so I felt one hundred percent comfortable speaking with her through the various stages of my trip. It was nice to get to express myself outwardly and bounce off of somebody even though I was essentially on the journey by myself. Unless you are totally comfortable with being alone, I would not recommend you microdose by yourself. If you can’t get a buddy irl, having someone you can speak with throughout the day who knows what you’re going through is a big bonus.
5. I am incredibly blessed (and always, always, always grateful)
I realized that my life allows me time to write almost as much as I want. If life is a movie, I am the protagonist. I truly am in the driver’s seat. I can work as little or as much as I want to make my dreams a reality. This type of responsibility is one I used to be so scared of, but I don’t feel that way anymore. On the contrary, it allows for so much potential one can’t help but smile! This outlook has been so helpful to me so far, and one I’ve had for a long time. It doesn’t take microdosing to know this, but it’s nice to be reminded on the most basic of levels just how true these simple truths are.
My experience was absolutely what I had envisioned. I had the opportunity to step outside of myself for the day and ride the wave. I’m happy to report that it was a rousing success. During my trip, I remember thinking “wow, I have to keep some of this openness when I’m not high.” and I have been very mindful of that wish. Even now, several weeks later, I try to extend a bit more patience toward myself and remember how easy it was for me to take a moment and breathe when I was tripping.
You have to trust yourself. Like any other drug, there is a peak where you feel the brunt of the effects, good or bad, at their most intense. I think this is the moment where things can go either way for most people. At some point, I took out my blanket from my backpack, made myself a little nook in the park and just sank into the grass. I felt like I was melting into the ground, and it was a nice feeling, but it was intense and it was also like “damn did I take too much? How am I going to get back home?” but instead of focusing on those thoughts my mind also couldn’t get over how good it felt to just let the earth embrace me like I was its little child. It was a hug I needed, and once again I was able to live in the moment instead of worry about what would happen after. Before I knew it, I was vibing in my nook and when I felt good enough to walk again, I simply got up and did that. The peak lasted maybe an hour and I enjoyed it at the right spot, and I allowed myself to go through it, not try to get over it. And this is a good lesson anyone can apply to their lives whenever it gets tough.
Don’t get over it, get through it.
If nothing else, microdosing psilocybin helped me live in the moment. Today, it reminds me to take some time during the day to appreciate the present and breathe. For an anxiety-prone mind like mine, this has been an absolute blessing.
